461: Cranky
Posted by Lucy on March 3rd, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized.There is only one thing that makes me crankier than dieting, or my period.
Writing.
Actually, let me clarify. It’s not the writing itself. I actually quite enjoy that. It’s when real life insists that I note what time it is, and take care of my responsibilities. Real life this morning came in the form of kids.
“You know how I knew you were cranky this morning?” Sweetness said over her Rice Krispies. “You didn’t jump on my bed and ask for morningtime hugs. You just said, ‘Get up and get dressed.’”
“I knew because she kept saying, ‘Don’t talk to me,’” Light said.
And… we’re off to the races. I have 25 days to finish this book, which means diving down deep, getting into that world, and staying there for as long as I can hold my breath. It also means giving little attention to daily concerns (“Oh, the cats haven’t been fed? There’s no toilet paper? It’s 2010?”) and getting irritable every time one of those daily concerns pulls me out of my made-up world and forces me to do things like make school lunches and get the kids on the bus.
But bills need to be paid. Deadlines need to be met. Work needs to be done, and this – strange as it may seem – is my work. It requires me to zone out and lose touch, and with two kids who are dealing with their parents’s split, that’s tough. I try to remind myself that being a good mother isn’t just about being Miss Mary Sunshine all the time. It’s about making the money that keeps them in clothes and Cheerios, too. And the worst thing you can do for children of divorce is feel sorry for them But still, I wish it didn’t make me so crabby and brain dead. I did 8500 words today – a combination of editing and fresh writing – and my brains are dribbling out my ears. Hence this lousy post.
Oh, by the way? Expect lousy posts for a while.
On an up note, I had one character throw an aluminum trash can lid like a frisbee and knock out another character today. That was fun. I have no idea if it’ll make it to the final edit, but… it was fun.
Always a bright side…
March 3rd, 2010 at 6:58 am
I love that the trash can lid is your bright side. Finally, someone I can relate to!
March 3rd, 2010 at 7:33 am
LOL, Lora. Sadly, I realize it has to be taken out of the book. It was fun, but not consistent with the characters. So all that work I did yesterday, I have to revamp and rehaul today.
But that’s okay. The end result is a better book, and that’s what it’s all about.
March 3rd, 2010 at 8:37 am
What?! A trash can lid? Not The Traveling Shovel of Death?! LOL-hey, even if you have to edit that little gem out, at least it helped you to get through 8500 words-woot! I, too, resort to “Don’t talk to me” when I’m writing. I figure all the experts say that kids are resilient, they’ll be fine, right?! The fact that you sometimes jump on the girls’ beds to wake them up proves that you’re an awesome mom, despite the cranky. My kids only get a really, really obnoxious song. :p
March 3rd, 2010 at 8:38 am
Have you ever seen The Red Shoes? There is a scene where the composer is playing a piece from his new ballet. The dancer reminds him that it is the ballroom scene, and it has been cut from the ballet. He says that yes, it may no longer be in the ballet, but he wrote the music for a ballroom. It is still there in the music somewhere and anyone who hears the music will see a ballroom. Something like that, anyway.
Perhaps writing is like that, also. Somewhere deep inside the layers of your final book, someone will be throwing an aluminum trashcan lid frisbee and we will sense it.
March 3rd, 2010 at 8:40 am
I love the trashcan lid too! (Can I use it, Lucy? It’s totally in character for one of mine!)
I can totally relate to the crankiness. I have the hardest time transitioning from “my world” to the real world. Especially when one of the kids interrupts me in the middle of something I think is brilliant*. I never can get it back after putting out the kitchen fire, throwing water on the dogs, sending children to their rooms (or threatening them with juvie). I grow horns and fangs and become monster momma.
It doesn’t seem to faze the kids though; they continue to behave just the way they want without concern about what it’s doing to my psyche!
(*of course it probably wasn’t as brilliant as I thought it was, but that’s another story!)
March 3rd, 2010 at 8:45 am
Don’t you think that having your girls see you being cranky is a good thing? I do. I think it shows them that you don’t have to be bright smiles and sunshine all the time. It’s shows the real you, and how you deal with things – not how you hide your feelings. Isn’t that what you’ve been striving for? Seeing you in this “state” will let them know it’s okay to express, not repress. It’s one of their stepping stones on their path to being healthy and well adjusted. You’re just doing your job in more ways than one.
Oh, and another thing my dear Lucy, good posts, bad posts, lousy posts, cranky posts, we’ll still be here.
March 3rd, 2010 at 8:47 am
Can you save the trash can lid idea for another book? ‘Cause that was just awesome. Granted, I once threw a paperback copy of the complete works of Shakespeare at my brother, so I may not be the best judge.
(Thankfully, I missed.)
It sounds like math homework does a slightly similar thing to my mood, but that’s because I have to focus so hard to actually get it. When I get interrupted I want to yell at the person responsible, but I usually just sigh and go do what they need. Like double checking an official email he wrote for my dyslexic stepfather. It’s important, but it totally interrupts my flow of understanding. Not really that close to the importance of writing for you, but it’s kind of a diluted version of the crankiness. Good luck with it all. And remember, the cats do need to be fed or else they might eat the kids.
At least they don’t hack up hairballs when they feel ignored, like my stepcats. Ugh.
March 3rd, 2010 at 8:51 am
I hate it when real life interferes with anything I want to do ~ lol. I get cranky with my kiddos when I’m immersed in reading a good book ~ and I’m only in that world for a few glorious hours. I can only imagine how hard it is as a writer. Besides, I think one of the best things you are doing for your girls is showing them dreams are achievable but they require work and sacrifice along the way. Well, that and a healthy dose of talent. Oh, and I would so love to read the trash can lid flinging scene ~heck, I’d read anything you’re “throwing out” on your way to finishing the book. Can you tell I’m excited for your book?
March 3rd, 2010 at 9:02 am
Now THIS is an area where I can relate! I have four of the little angels, myself, two of whom are not yet school aged and stay home with me all day. It is extremely difficult to keep your brain in a far-off world (I write fantasy) when you have a four year old insisting that you be the foundation for his barrel-of-monkeys monkey chain. How you managed to go through more than 8000 words is beyond me. I bow before your superior writing prowess. Really.
On an off-topic note, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I enjoy your podcasts. I’ve only recently gotten to download them and they’re terrific. I’ve downloaded other podcasts on writing and none of them are as succinct and educational as yours. Wow. That sounds overwhelmingly sucky-uppy. Seriously, though, case in point — I listened to a podcast by the head of a rather prestigious sci-fi/fantasy writing boot camp, which I won’t name here. People compete to get into this thing and, when they do, they pay scads of money to isolate themselves for six weeks in order to be taught by _this_ guy. So, when I found some material by him, I thought, “Score!” I downloaded a podcast on structure. It was over fifteen minutes long. I plugged myself in and prepared to be educated by the best in the field.
It began okay. He started off by saying that the structure was the skeleton of the story, without which, the story would not be able to stand on its own. So far, so good. Unfortunately, that was followed by fifteen minutes of babble that ended with him saying that he couldn’t really give a very clear definition of structure, but you definitely need to have one and, with experience, you’d be able to know it when you see it. Not very educational. Then I listened to your podcast on structure. Not only did you manage to define structure in less than one-third the time, but you listed examples and references. It was fantastic. All of which is my extremely verbose way of saying, Thank You. And sorry this is so off-topic.
March 3rd, 2010 at 9:30 am
Ugh — the worst EVER! And now that my own life drastically changed, I’m with someone who believes in my writing so hugely, he’s driving me from Texas to Nashville for Nationals.
NOW… Having said that! (dramatic moment inserted here) he has no problem walking up to me to ask me something non-critical. My four kids are all in school now, so the daytime is my writing time, and given I’ve just started again after five years of doing nothing, me writing at all is huge. So nooooooooooooooooo I don’t have anything that desperately needs to be put in the washing machine RIGHT. THIS. MOMENT.
Thanksforaskinganyway — ugh!
Our worse thing is he’s been laid off since May. Together all day, everyday. He has a job interview this morning which he’d be glorious at, so I could really use some kick-ass-get-out-of-the-house-and-let-Brenda-write-so-please-oh-please-get-this-job Betty Vibes on this one. Pretty please!
March 3rd, 2010 at 9:38 am
I love your kid quotes! They are obviously NOT scarred.
Don’t worry about being blah. I haven’t seen that many words since I worked full time at a newspaper. And, that was Before Children.
And Ditto to what Dee/BettyPage said. You (and Jenny) really do teach. I left CherryCon drained and brain-stuffed. I wish I had taped it though, to listen to all over again. So much good stuff there.
March 3rd, 2010 at 10:27 am
@ Brenda (Betty Boop) – LOL! You’ve got all my vibes, girl. Nothing is worse than a well meaning house husband
I find that my kid are very independent… until I sit down at the computer. It’s like powering it up emits pheromones or something. Wheesht.
March 3rd, 2010 at 10:34 am
I often read the conversations with Sweetness and Light that you and Jenny post. He thinks you could fill a book with those and call it: Conversations with Sweetness and Light, A Guide to Growing Up With a Sense of Humor.
March 3rd, 2010 at 10:36 am
Oh! I totally forgot! When my mom went back to school and was studying engineering with three kids running around the house, she posted a sign on her bedroom door – “Do not enter unless bleeding or unconscious.” Perhaps something like that would be useful for when you’re really needing to focus?
Unless one of your girls is anything like me, in which case you’ll be invaded by a kid arguing the logic of entering while unconscious. “If Peter’s unconscious, I could drag him in, but would I have to be bleeding to do that…?”
March 3rd, 2010 at 10:44 am
At least we all know there was a frisbee-ed trashcan lid! And you can be sure that even if it isn’t in character, we’d like to see the outtake some time, because that sounds like a fun scene even if it couldn’t stay in the book.
Happy writing!
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:06 am
My husband and I farm, and I take care of the paperwork and bookkeeping, and he does the outside stuff. And in sixteen years, my daughter invariably “needs” to talk to me when I’m either on the phone, or trying to figure out what I’ve messed up in the books. Grr! My very “favorite” happened just a few days ago. I hear, “Mom, can you please come here?” in a kinda desperate voice, so I go to the other end of the house to see what’s wrong. Turns out, she asked me a question about going to the movies next weekend! I wanted to yell at her, but since just last Saturday, I was a “cool” mom, I gritted my teeth, and told her “Later!” I’m not cool very often anymore. But flinging a trashcan lid or Shakespeare sounds great to me!
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:10 am
@Brenday (Betty Boop) ~ definately sending “kick-ass-get-out-of-the-house-and-let-Brenda-write-so-please-oh-please-get-this-job Betty Vibes” (that made me lol) your way. For me there’s nothing worse than trying to work from home when my husband is around. I get distracted much less at the office!
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:10 am
LOL Sierra! Mine is “bleeding or something’s on fire”. So now if I’m talking to someone, in person or on the phone, that individual will probably hear: “Are you bleeding? Is something on fire?” and wonder what kind of house this is.
Hello, Chaos Defined. Imagine running into you again today.
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:12 am
@ Renee (Betty Crocker) ~ I’d buy that book!
@ Sierra (Bonny Betty) ~ “Unless one of your girls is anything like me, in which case you’ll be invaded by a kid arguing the logic of entering while unconscious. “If Peter’s unconscious, I could drag him in, but would I have to be bleeding to do that…?””
I was that kid too, and am raising one as well. lol
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:14 am
Hey, my mom once told me to not yell for her from the kitchen but to come see her in the living room. Saw what I had been yelling about, giant gash up my leg from an unknown piece of glass in the garbage I’d been trying to helpfully take out while she worked on her article deadlines, and said “Don’t bleed on the carpet, go to the bathroom and start cleaning. I’ll meet you as soon as I finish this paragraph”
It sounds cold, but I think it was good for me. She saw the situation, saw it wasn’t as serious as I thought it was (I have a scar, but I didn’t need stitches or anything, just lots of butterfly bandages) and it taught me that it’s perfectly fine to tell people “not right now, I love you but not right now” when they want help. Usually people can help themselves. I think I was in 3rd grade or so when that happened and I’m perfectly fine now.
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:35 am
Hey, at least you’re aware of what needs to be done. That’s the first step in the right direction. : ) And we don’t care if you’re crabby with us. We can take it.
I started writing romance when my son was a senior in high school and he had transportation so I didn’t need to worry about picking him up from school. When I wrote sex scenes I’d play loud passionate music, light candles, close the shutters, take a bubble bath, whatever. Anything to get me or the muse in the mood. And it was usually anywhere from noon until three pm. Then I’d get into the scene and forget everything until the door would slam and son and three buddies would walk up behind me and say “It must be a sex scene.” Then they’d try to peer over my shoulder and get a glimpse of the writing. That was such a great time. They thought I was the coolest mom, even if I wouldn’t let them read my words. : )
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:35 am
I’ve been away for the computer for 4 days with the flu, and I just have to say that, geez, I really missed this place.
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:59 am
Welcome back, Ms. Valkyrie Betty — hope you’re feeling a ton better!
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:06 pm
I swear the Jenny/Lucy/Sweetness/Light/+Friends household is fodder for a TV show. The Writing Life. Tons more entertaining than, say, The Bachelor.
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Okay, I see where you are coming from with the concern about the girls and the divorce and not wanting to stress them out but let me inject a little reality here. I seriously doubt you dealt with interruptions without getting cranky when ya’ll were living with Fish. The girls are used to that and expect it. Suddenly changing the way you respond to everyday events would be much harder for them to deal with and make them wonder what is REALLY wrong. Everyone, kids included, like to maintain the status quo, so don’t sweat the cranky stuff.
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Boundaries, even crankily-set ones are important.
Brenda – good vibes sent.
Sierra – lol at “the cats need to be fed or they might eat the kids”
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Oooh, thanks for the idea on the aluminum trash can lid. Must try that the next time someone pisses me off.
Can’t wait to read this book!
Tawna (Bettylicous)
March 3rd, 2010 at 1:20 pm
I kept the flying frisbee trash can lid. But of course, anyone who wants to can use it. I’m sure I’m not the first person to come up with this idea.
And an entire day’s work… and only 1500 words net. But I fixed a lot of problems in the first 55 pages, so that’s good.
And Lurking Kate/Bitchin’ Betty – you make a fabulous point. I was WAY more cranky in the old situation than in the new one. What a fabulous bit of perspective. Thank you!
Valkyrie – Sorry you weren’t feeling well, but glad you’re back. We missed you, too.
I also use the “bleeding or on fire” thing. They come in, and I say, “Are you bleeding or on fire?” and they laugh and say, “No. Can you French braid my hair?” and then I drop my head on the desk. Somehow, I think I’m not being scary enough.
March 3rd, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I’m absolutely not scary enough, but the boy does know when I say “Not NOW,” that he must shut up immediately or face some sort of peril. Lately the lurking peril is the massive garage-cleaning that needs doing, so he’s been an angel when I’m writing. No problem, though. Sooner or later, he’ll forget himself and then I’ll get my car back into the garage.
Do not sweat the crankies. Especially when it seems the girls “know” it already by your actions/tone of voice, etc. I agree that’s so good for them to see.
And good god, 8500 words. Go you. I’m happy today with only 1K.
March 3rd, 2010 at 1:38 pm
You know what makes a great replacement for a lousy post? A trashcan lid scene that you had to cut.
Or, you know, any scene. If you have a day you just can’t spend the time coming up with something to post, we will ALWAYS gladly accept pieces of your writing instead
March 3rd, 2010 at 1:46 pm
There needs to be a commercial for this. Or a slogan that will explain away all grumpiness. When you snap when you normally wouldn’t. When you eat ungodly amounts of sugar or greasy snacks. “It’s that time of the deadline.”
March 3rd, 2010 at 2:13 pm
I read this post, and then I see this link on Gizmodo… Write or Die, it’s to help you with writing deadlines. I’m so amused.
http://writeordie.drwicked.com/
March 3rd, 2010 at 2:25 pm
@Betty Boop-sending honey-employment-vibes your way, chica!
@Valkyrie Betty-glad that you’re back and feeling better!
March 3rd, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Well I don’t know about how your kids feel but I’m impressed with you. I can’t manage to find a balance in my life either and I’m not dealing with a book deadline on top of everything else.
I think that you’re doing an awesome job. Just remember that it’s really ok to let some things slide every now and then. And don’t try to be super woman. Just be the best you that you can manage each day and things will be alright.
*laughs* At least that’s what I’ve been told…
March 3rd, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Okay, now I’m even more in awe of the Betties. I don’t have to juggle kids, pets or any of the other trappings of a frantic domestic life, and things here in the wilds of Scotland are generally peaceful, but even *I* have trouble finding uninterrupted time and space to write. The fact that you guys get any work done at all leaves me speechless — is this result of that much-vaunted female capacity for multi-tasking that I’ve heard so much about?
March 3rd, 2010 at 3:47 pm
I am enjoying reading more than posting right now. Started a new med and I’m having some major side effects (dilated eyes, tense muscles, distracted, nervouse, etc — i’ve been assured it’s normal). So I can barely concentrate to read much less write.
BUT: Lucy, your cranky isn’t so bad. When my dad, who was a lovely man, got cranky, my brother and I would get very silent and go away quietly. At least your girls don’t get nervous when you get cranky! You are just showing them that they don’t have to always be Sweetness and Light!
And heck, it’s not like you are leaving them bleeding or on fire.
@Alastair: are you a fictional character? You are awfully aware and supportive to be real!
Scotland — yum!
Chalk it all up to drug-related side effects!
March 3rd, 2010 at 6:14 pm
I think part of the amazing multi-tasking skills must come with having kids. I’m female (no kids) and can’t multi-task to save my life.
Well, maybe to save my life….no probably not.
March 3rd, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Well, Betties, he went to the interview and thinks he nailed it. Even the parts software is one that he’d used before, so that eliminates a lot of training.
Behold the POWER OF THE BETTIES! I’ll keep you all updated — and beware, should he not get the position for whatever reason, I’ll be back to beg more vibes!
March 3rd, 2010 at 7:52 pm
@Bethany, I’m thinkin your mom was a teensy bit harsh there–if there’s visible blood involved, ur entitled to attention!
@BettyBoop YAYAYAYA! Sendin you major diva betty vibes!
@ Sunshine Betty hope that your side effects lessen or you find something less troublesome for relief!
March 3rd, 2010 at 9:31 pm
The girls will understand because they know you love them and well they’re girls, so they are instantly fabulous…. as for the crankies- I still vote periods are the worst, but you can use both to good effect. Considering that my favorite word during “that time of the month” is evisceration, it is really fun to take it out on you book. You love to torture your characters, you have a perfectly good opportunity to take it out on them. Crankiness is your ally, it can be a super power, use the crankiness: maim, taunt, tease, torture, murder, and generally reek mayhem, only your fans will really know and they’ll love you for it.
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:06 pm
I’ve been following this all day and just getting a chance to comment. It’s been a rough night, funny enough, a bad fight with the ex. I needed to read this again to cheer me up. You’re girls sound amazingly well-adjusted and adorable. I’m my crankiest that time of the month and when I’m snapping at everything, kiddo figures it out. In fact, a few weeks ago she said, “I don’t like you when you’re on your period.” It was said with no heat at all and cuter for it.
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:47 pm
@Betty Boop: I missed it earlier, but I’m sending major BVs right now. (That sounds kinda dirty.) Anyway, I know the interview’s over, but just in case they’re on the fence about him, we’ll hope the BVs push them over the correct side.
@Alistair: Why yes, yes it is.
March 3rd, 2010 at 11:49 pm
@Alastair: Sorry I spelled your name wrong.
March 4th, 2010 at 9:28 am
@Sunshine Betty: A fictional character? Why, I’ve never thought of that before – can you think of any tests which could be administered to discover the truth? I know that I don’t give enough good snark to have stepped from the pages of one of Alpha-Betty’s novels, that’s for sure…
@Betty Page: No apologies necessary, truly – with a name like mine, I’m accustomed to many spelling variations!
March 4th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Years ago, I trained my boss to tread lightly.
Whenever the crankies bloomed, I’d lean into his office and said, “You’re breathing again.” He’d go pale and leave me alone. It was awesome! (drink)
Crankiness, it’s what Gets Things Done.